An Adjustment

I've been asked quite a bit lately to describe what makes China different.  I reply, simply, "How much time do you have?"

Moving to China is like moving anywhere else - an adjustment. 

When I moved to MI 11 years ago, I didn't know anyone, I had to learn the subtleties of the language (there are a lot of differences!), and I had to navigate my way around town with a map and a prayer...  But, eventually, I settled in.  I met people who softened my NY exterior, but who still confuse me on many cultural levels.  I learned what restaurants I liked, the location of the best parks to walk Harley, and I even found a public beach.  Even in my last weeks, I was still learning new and wonderful surprises about Michigan.  But, I still have no clue what a pasty is!

Nanjing has been the same type of adjustment, but on a different plane.  I am not trying to navigate around with a map and prayer - that's Mr Zheng's job.  And my expat coworkers and their families, the Nanjing Normals, have welcomed me warmly, sharing their time and experiences to help ease the transition, so that loneliness is reduced.

The Nanjing Normal coworkers: Pete, Matthew, Gordon, Ky, Me, Golon

I've adjusted, rather nicely, I must say, to having Wei Ayi clean, cook, and take care of Harley for me.  It's definitely one of the differences in China that I love (what Long Island Princess wouldn't!?!?)!  I adore having Mr. Zheng deal with the traffic and the commute, while I sleep or read or take phone calls in the back seat.   But, it is a challenge to not easily have a conversation with the person sitting in the car with you and to spend most of the time in awkward silence.  We speak in broken "Chinglish" - my handful of Chinese words, his handful of English ones.  And it is somewhat embarrassing asking a coworker to speak with Wei Ayi every time I have to adjust the schedule or she wants me to buy something for the apartment.



Jack - just a little Normal



And there are subtleties that are adjustments unto themselves.  The disparity in costs from the US, for instance.  I may never adjust to the fact that an hour-long massage and a box of cereal can cost the same $10.  Or that 8 people (and Harley!) can eat dinner at a Chinese restaurant for $7 each, but it costs $45 in tolls to drive 3 hours to Shanghai.

But the big adjustments, the ones that scream "THIS IS CHINA!!!"  are a whole lot smaller when you get out of the "golden expat bubble" and think in terms of the culture.  We have to take a step back and realize that for every different nuance that is a nuisance (tiny paper towels!), there is something equally as different but magical and wonderful (paper slicing artwork).  I'm fortunate, as the Normals are all open to getting out of the bubble, and we have each other to share the frustrations and the magical moments.  Every Saturday night, the 8 of us go out to dinner and discuss the nuances.  We shake our heads, we laugh, and we get a little soberer.  For me, it's a chance to get a pulse on whether I'm being a primadonna or if I'm assimilating. 

Carol and Angie - The Normal Moms



So, what are some of the big differences?  Aside from language, hygiene stands out.  In my packing, I managed to get a 5 month supply of toilet paper into my air shipment, but somehow, I neglected to pack a spare deodorant to get me through until the sea shipment arrives.  Deodorant is almost impossible to find in a store, and what you do find is half the size of that in the US, costs 5 times the price, and works 1/5th as well.  Needless to say, I'm not hugging anyone these days! 

The spitting is something I will never adjust to, and there have been books written about it, so I won't go there.  It's too easy.  Same with the toilets (although, I can proudly report that I FINALLY used one correctly!!!). 

I have always been buggered by the sound of slurping (yes, Anu, I went there!) but slurping is a norm here.  Eating is a loud experience, so the people don't even notice...and perhaps it's a sign of savoring the meal.  I don't know.  It's been an adjustment to tune out the noise, but every so often, I still get a bit creeped out!

Adjusting to the stares has been hard.  I try to spin it positively - having the curly hair, being an American, buying a large product, being seen with a Chinese person (or if none are available, Ky stands in).  But, it does wear on my self-esteem.  A lot!

But, overall, it's the people that I find most fascinating and where I am most humbled and deviating from my original uninformed, naive beliefs.  A coworker who never spoke a word to me came to my desk yesterday to drop off some rice treats that she brought in for the team.  An old coworker from my past life invited me to go shopping and to a movie because I have now passed the 1 month introduction period. 

The culture is a gentle one when you get to the heart of it.  And there is a quiet, almost fearful, curiosity about Americans.  My power went out last week unexpectedly.  I immediately opened the front door to let the hall light in.  While I was standing holding the light of my laptop up to the fuse box, my neighbor came home.  She saw my door ajar and all of the darkness.  I've never met her before, but she woke her husband to come reset my fuses.  We spoke a few words of Chinglish and they left.  But, I was sobered a little by the help of a stranger whom I cannot repay.  I can't knock on her door and invite her for coffee.  I can't express an interest in her.  Aside from asking her name, a conversation will be difficult.

Matthew and I went shopping last weekend.  We stopped at a store where a man made sliced paper art.  He invited us to look at his work, and then, he told me to stand still.  Clearly, there was a bug somewhere on me, right!?  No - he wanted to do a cutout of my profile!  Ten minutes later, I had a memory - complete with his signature, stamp and the date.  He would not take a dime for it - just wanted me to have it.  A little Chinese magical moment!



At work, I am angrily fascinated by how the Western cultures take advantage of the quiet accepting nature of the people.  And I, ever the champion of the underdog, want to stop the misperception that these are unintelligent, incapable people.  Being here and watching the interactions, I want to shield them from the western world; I want to fight the fight for them.  What I have witnessed (and I am a culprit) is that western cultures are direct, concise, demanding, and unrelenting in our pursuit of wanting what we want, when we want it, and how we want it.  The Chinese culture appears more subtle, more yielding.  However, they are no less intelligent, no less desiring.  But, it appears they do not want to cause problems, they do not want to upset anyone or lose face. 

Somehow, without damaging the cultural norm, the Normals have to provide guidance to the Westerners and to the locals to bridge the gaps and allow the local culture to shine... I'm starting by opening my eyes to see that different is not a bad thing; it's something to be explored, understood, and savored...

Zai Jian...

Until Next Time...