Drunk Diva

I’m prefacing this blog with two comments: a) I’m drunk.  And b) I apologize that I have so many entertaining blogs to write, yet THIS is what I’m choosing to document now.

In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny:  On with the show, this is it….

Well, it finally happened.  I got drunk in front of Mr Zheng.

When you live in an ex-pat environment where you have a driver, at some point you realize that you are in this vehicle you own with a virtual stranger every single time you get in the car.  And you get over it.

When I lived in NY, I commuted on the 6:59 AM LIRR train from Wantagh to Penn Station every morning.  And every morning, I stood in the same spot on the platform, and I got in the same car, and I sat in the same 5 person seat section.

Also every morning, the nice man I named “Nose Hair” (really, there’s no subtlety here), got in the same car at the Bellmore Station and sat across from me, reading the Wall Street Journal.  To this day, I can no longer read a newspaper without folding it as he taught me.  Curiously, I watched this man every single morning, reading his paper, drinking his coffee.  I started my job in January 1998.  It took until May before we acknowledged each other’s presence despite seeing each other every single morning.  And even then, we would smile, nod, and go back to our tasks – he to his newspaper, me to whatever I was reading, crocheting, or paying.

Fast forward 3 years to when I moved to Michigan.  Strangers did not invade my car; I drove the Southfield in virtual anonymity.  I had whatever emotion I chose, in my car, with my music, and at my control.  Quite different from the days of Nose Hair and me (or I?).

Fast forward 10 MORE years to present day Nanjing.  Here, I live a hybrid of my past lives - I am in a space with a virtual stranger every single day.  Only this time, my life is in the hands of said stranger, and he’s in my vehicle.

Poor Zheng-y….he didn’t know what a nutcase he was getting stuck with!!!

The man has witness me happy, sad, confused, angry, pensive, exhausted, ill, relaxed, anxious, busy, and even gimping with my arm in a sling.  But today, he saw me drunk. There are many phases to “Drunk Rita”…he got the adorable one (thank God!). 

Alcohol seems to be a way of life in China.  I NEVER drank this much in my college or immediately thereafter, and yet here..it’s a norm.  Dinners, nights out, etc. all seems to revolve around the drink. I think it’s because of the lack of movie theaters, live performances, and salty popcorn.  Just a theory….

 As a closet stress manager, I needed wine tonight.  I had what I’ve dubbed, “Circular Logic Tuesday”, and I was done.  Beaten down.  Dragging my tail.  So, I called on Matt, another ex-pat who is amazing at listening on my “wow-I-need-wine” days.  We went to a nice German restaurant, Secco, where we enjoyed a quiet dinner and I consumed a lot of alcohol. 

WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

As I said, alcohol seems to be prevalent among the ex-pats here.  In my drunken haze, I find this humorous…  I won’t soak in a tub of the water here.  God help me if I don’t sanitize every piece of fruit before I consume it.  And I keep a bottle of water next to my toothbrush so I don’t wash with tainted water.  Mr. Zheng changes his shirt every afternoon so I am not subjected to second-hand smoke, and yet… I am pickling my liver as a sometimes daily means of survival.

Go figure….

I’ll leave that to the sober brainiacs to debate… I’m too tired and too buzzed right now… but at least I led the horses to water, right!?!

Anywho… back to Zheng-y…

That poor man…. I left work tonight and said to him:  “Jin tian bu hao” – my warped form of “today sucked”.  Then I raspberried like Archie Bunker (you youngsters who don’t get the reference – keep it to yourselves and look it up on Wikipedia!) to emphasize the point.  He knew he was in trouble.

At some point after my bottle of Chilean wine, I vaguely recall asking Matt to translate that I wanted to put Zheng-y in a take home container (da bao) and ship him to America (Mei Guo).    For some reason, Matt couldn’t think of the Chinese for “Crap Ass Day”, so I raspberried again to show Mr Zheng how bad it was.

That poor man!

After Matt left, I also think I told Zheng-y that his lao ban (Boss) is crazy and needs a vacation (jia qi).  And that he needs a vacation from me. 

He told me I was in a ‘Mood’ (from his dian hua translator on his phone) and he promptly deposited me in the parking garage at my apartment, so I didn’t have to stumble home above ground, in front of the guards.

This is a virtual stranger who is welcome in my car ANYTIME.

I just hope I can look him in the eye tomorrow morning!!!